


Proof of Concept

by JCapasso



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27095383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCapasso/pseuds/JCapasso
Summary: What if Eliot had managed to keep control of his body for just a few moments longer in 4x5? How could things have changed if he and Quentin had rekindled their love in that brief time?
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally got around to catching up with season 4 of the Magicians, but I doubt I will ever watch season 5 now.

As soon as the memory Quentin said that you sacrifice for people you love, Eliot knew exactly where he had to go. Where he would find the door. His greatest regret. The moment that he had a real chance to be happy and he had walked away. Worse than that, he had hurt one of the only people in the world who saw him as anything more than a fuck-up. Well he had proved everyone right there after all. “Oh shit,” he breathed out. “I get it.” He slowly got up, trying to steel himself for what he was about to do. “Q…I’m gonna take you up on that. Lead the creatures to my puberty. Go bravely.” If it had been the real Quentin he would have died before sending him into that kind of danger. If it had been the real Quentin he might have kissed him first, but it wasn’t. “I know where I need to go,” he sighed heavily. 

He reappeared in the memory that he had spent so long trying his best to forget, watching himself and Quentin sitting on the steps beneath Margo’s wedding arch as his memory self asked in something of a daze. “Did it happen?” 

“Fifty years,” the memory Q replied. 

“It happened,” the memory of Eliot said and the current Eliot watching could see the fear in his eyes as he waited for the axe to fall. 

“It was sort of beautiful,” Q admitted and the watching Eliot could feel the sinking in his gut as it just built up for what was coming. 

“It really was,” the memory of himself replied. 

“I know this sounds dumb, but…us…we…I mean, think about it, we…we work. We know it because we lived it. Who gets that kind of proof of concept?” Quentin asked. 

The watching Eliot could see the love shining in Quentin’s eyes and he knew that his memory self could too. He had. And that had been the scariest part. He could see the second that his walls had come up as he sat forward. “We were just injected with a half century of emotions so I get that maybe you’re not thinking clearly.” And there it was. Almost the worst moment. Separating themselves from that life. Making it seem like it wasn’t really them and that they just gained the memories that weren’t theirs. 

Quentin hadn’t given up at that though. “No, I’m just saying. What if we…gave it a shot? Would that be that crazy?” When Eliot didn’t respond right away, the watching one could see the turmoil rolling around in himself and he hated himself for it. “Why the fuck not?” Quentin kept trying. 

“I know you…and you aren’t…” Eliot tried, knowing that it was weak at best. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Q argued. 

“Don’t be naïve. It matters,” Eliot said somewhat harshly. 

“Q, come on…I love you, but…” he took a deep breath to steady his nerves. “You have to know that that’s not me and it’s definitely not you. Not wh…not when we have a choice.” 

Eliot knew exactly what Q heard there. He’d been married to him for fifty years. He knew how his mind worked. Q heard that Eliot had only been with him because there wasn’t another choice. That he had just been making the best of a bad situation. That Eliot wouldn’t choose him when he had other options. He could see it in Quentin’s eyes as the fight just drained from him and he looked away. “Okay…Okay, I…Sorry…” 

Eliot hadn’t noticed at the time the way Q hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose to hold back the tears. He wished he knew if it would have made a difference if he had. It definitely made a difference now though. He knew that his memory self couldn’t hear him, but he couldn’t help but say disgustedly, “What the hell is wrong with you?” He could almost convince himself that he was being heard, that the memory could actually change, when he looked up at himself. “What the hell are you doing? Someone good and true loves you. And he went out on a limb. And yeah, it was a little crazy, but you knew…you knew this was a moment that truly mattered and you just…snuffed it out.” 

He looked over at the Q who couldn’t quite perceive him either. “Q, I’m sorry. I was afraid. And when I’m afraid, I run away.” He moved forward and couldn’t stop himself from pressing his lips to the man he loved more than his own life. “If I ever get out of here Q, know that when I’m braver, it’s because I learned it from you.” When the door appeared, he got up and walked towards it without another word. 

When he felt himself back in control of his own body, he was looking right at Quentin. “Q…” he said happily. He’d made it. He let out a little laugh before he realized that Q didn’t know it was him. “It’s me. It’s Eliot.”

Quentin froze for a split second. Some part of him knew. Had known the second Eliot came back. He could see it in his eyes. He didn’t dare believe it though. He couldn’t. It had to be another game. Eliot was gone. Dead. And he had to make this monster pay for that. “Okay. No games. Come on. Let’s just go.” 

“It’s Eliot,” he tried again, more firmly. 

“No, bullshit. Come on,” Quentin tried. Pretending to be Eliot was about the worst game this thing could play and he couldn’t bear to play along this time. 

Eliot slowly walked towards his love. “Fifty years. Who gets proof of concept like that,” he tried to convince him as well as pass the message that he got it now too. 

“What?” Quentin asked, wondering if it really could be real. If Eliot was really here. 

“Peaches and plums motherfucker,” Eliot said giving Q a light smack to the chest, just wanting to touch him. To feel him. To know that he was real and this wasn’t just another trick his mind was playing on him. He could see the moment that Q truly believe and he grinned. “I’m alive in here.” 

“Eliot,” Quentin said almost alarmed, knowing that it wouldn’t last. That he wouldn’t be here for long. “We’re gonna save you, okay? I promise. No matter what. We’ll save you. Just…hold on. Don’t give up.”

“Never,” Eliot breathed out. He could feel the monster fighting to get back, but he had one more thing he needed to say. That was weighing so heavily on his mind since that memory. “After the mosaic…I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have. I was a coward. A stupid, stupid coward. I wanted…” 

Quentin didn’t let him finish his statement before he pulled Eliot into a kiss. He knew that Eliot would be likely to start babbling if he didn’t and who knew how much more time they had. He needed Eliot to know that it was okay. That he was forgiven. That he would still be here when they got him back. He needed him to know how much he was loved. “I know,” Quentin whispered as he pulled back enough to rest his forehead against Eliots, fingertips almost digging into the back of Eliot’s neck. “I know. Just hold on. I’ll get you back. I swear.”

He noticed the change in Eliot’s eyes showing that the monster was back just as he saw the movement out of the corner of his eyes as Alice came to dump the blood. The blood that would allow him to be locked away again forever. It was a good solution when Eliot was gone, but now…he couldn’t let it happen. He couldn’t let Eliot be locked away with the monster. To give up hope to ever get him back. He dragged the monster in his love’s body out of the way and the blood was dumped on him instead. Before he could even right himself, the monster had disappeared. 

It didn’t take long before he was back though and ripping an organ out of Iris’ body as he killed the goddess. It took some fast talking to convince him that it was all part of the plan. That they’d been on his side, trying to draw Iris out for him, but they managed. The monster could be rather gullible that way. When Julia brought out the paper that explained how they were building blocks for a body, Quentin desperately hoped that it was for his own body. Then he could take that one and give them Eliot back. Give /him/ Eliot back. That was the new goal. The most important thing. They could deal with the monster later. He just needed Eliot back.


	2. Chapter 2

Once they were left alone and back in what was becoming their home, Alice was the first to ask Quentin, “What was that about fifty years and proof of concept and pushing you away?” 

Julia was just as curious too, “And that kiss…” Alice winced. She was trying to forget the kiss part.

Quentin took a deep breath and prepared to tell the story. There was no point when Eliot didn’t want him. It would have just been broadcasting his rejection to the world, but now…things were different. They deserved to know. “When we got the mosaic key…it wasn’t as easy or as quick as it seemed. We ended up in Fillory’s past. We spent…more than fifty years there. Eliot and I…we were married. Had a family, a home, a life. We grew old. Eliot died. Our son…he had to come stay with me for a while afterwards. I just couldn’t function without Eliot, but then I got back to the mosaic. I finished it, and then we were back here. In our old life, our younger bodies, all of it.”

“And Eliot pushed you away?” Julia asked sympathetically. She couldn’t imagine how she would have felt to have loved so deeply for so long just to be rejected when you got another chance at life. 

Quentin nodded, trying to will the pain from his eyes as Alice realized that she had never really had a chance with Quentin anyway. “You love him? Still?” she asked sadly. 

“Always,” Quentin admitted with a sigh. 

Julia reached out and put a hand on Quentin’s shoulder comfortingly. “We’ll get him back, Q. One way or another, we’ll get him back.” 

“You can’t be suggesting that we work with the monster? That we give him what he wants?” Alice asked horrified. 

“Do you know of another way?” Quentin asked. 

“No. We can’t…this is…I can’t…”

“Then leave,” Julia said harshly. “If you can’t help, then get out.” That spark of happiness she’d seen in her lifelong best friend’s eyes when Eliot was talking to him…when he was talking about their life together…she had never seen him that happy before. Ever. And she was going to do whatever it took to get that back for him. 

“I just…” Alice stammered for a moment before turning and storming out. She had promised to leave after this anyway so she might as well. 

“What’s the plan?” Julia asked Q. 

“We help him get the body. Then maybe he’ll give Eliot back,” Quentin said seriously. He doubted it would be that easy, but they could pretend it would be. At least for now. It was something. It was hope. Julia just nodded and they got to work trying to find the next piece. 

Over the next few days the monster realized that something was wrong. He was getting weaker. He could feel the human in this mind fighting him and the infuriating little human was actually winning. That shouldn’t have been possible. He’d chosen this vessel very carefully. He couldn’t possibly be the one prophesized to expel him into the in-between for eternity. He had barely been alive for a quarter of a century, after all. He could have a love of half a century. He couldn’t have raised a son with his husband of so long. His downfall had to be an older woman. That was why he’d chosen a young man. That didn’t change the fact that he was weakening. He could feel himself withering away. 

The monster got a vague impression from the human mind of something that always made him feel better, and the fact that he was getting those impressions at all just spoke to his weakness. That didn’t meant that he was going to ignore it though. He went looking for this ‘Tequila’ whatever it was. He had drunk a great deal of it before he had a potential idea. If he could hurry them up on getting the body together, then he could vacate this one. The idea of finding a new one now never dawned on him. Being in this one was getting him help. Another wouldn’t be so easy. Besides, this couldn’t be the prophecy playing out anyway, so there must be some other reason for his weakening. Perhaps he had just been in the body for too long. Humans were rather fragile creatures. Once he had a more superior body, the issue would resolve itself. In the meantime, he would hold on as long as he could and if he was expelled too soon, he would take one of the others and hope it worked as well as this one at getting their cooperation. It was his desire to hurry them up and possibly some affects of the brain fog brought on by this curious potion that led to him reviving the mummy to help find what they needed. 

While part of Eliot was glad of the evidence that he was winning the fight, there was a definite downside. He was more and more aware of what the monster was doing in his body. Sure, some part of his mind was always aware, but he had been able to ignore it before. To push it away to some corner of his mind that kept it buried except in his nightmares. He didn’t have that luxury anymore. He could, quite literally feel the blood on his hands. He could see Quentin’s face every time he looked at the monster wearing Eliot’s body. He couldn’t imagine how Quentin must feel going so far as to actually help such a creature. The guilt that must be piling on his shoulders with every death that it was responsible for. The guilt that he was carrying for Eliot. If ever he had any doubt as to how much Quentin loved him, it would be put to rest at that. 

He could feel the monster continuing to come undone and was starting to get more than a little concerned about the amount of drugs it was ingesting. Yes, Eliot had always been one to chase the high, he had very rarely even come close to a fatal overdose. He was relieved when Quentin tried to stop him and horrified when he felt the power that threw Quentin across the room. Eliot started fighting harder. It didn’t matter anymore what horrors were injecting themselves into his mind. If there was any chance that he could save Quentin from any more pain, there was no other choice. 

“Those pills could kill you!” Quentin cried out. 

“I’ll take a new body when I get bored,” the monster said, collecting the pills as quickly as he could. He didn’t care anymore. He was getting too weak and this body needed these pills so badly. 

Quentin struggled to his feet, ignoring the pain that was lacing through his body. “You kill Eliot…and you can forget about us helping you,” he threatened. 

The monster got up with frustration, stalking towards Quentin. “Eliot, Eliot, Eliot,” he mocked. “Why do you care about him so much?”

“Because I do,” Quentin said firmly, not willing to give any kind of real answer to this monster. He looked the thing dead in the eyes and promised coldly, “You kill him…and we are done.” Quentin could tell the monster didn’t quite believe him. “I swear to god, I am serious. I /will/ abandon you and I will /die/ trying to burn you to the ground.”

The monster felt the rage burning through him as he got in Quentin’s face and sneered, “That’s cute,” as his hands moved to Quentin’s throat. “But I’m strong…and you’re weak.”

Eliot was screaming and redoubling his mental fight as he could feel his hands choking Q. “Break my bones,” Quentin challenged, looking the monster in the eye. “Go ahead and strangle me. I’m too tired to care anymore.” He heard Julia’s warning, but ignored it, standing his ground. “You hurt him…you take one more pill…and you can build your body on your own,” he said harshly, not even flinching as the monster started growling. 

Quentin felt the hands around his throat loosening a second before the monster stumbled back and doubled over. He glanced at Julia confused and worried that maybe he already managed to overdoese and she just shrugged at him before he turned back in time to see the monster coughing. Each cough released some sickly yellow cloud that quickly dissipated into nothingness before the body fell to the floor and curled up in a ball. “Q…are you…okay?” he asked weakly. 

“Eliot?” Quentin asked hopefully falling to his knees next to him as Julia gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. 

“In the flesh…finally,” he groaned. “But on a pretty bad trip right now.”

“I can imagine,” Quentin said sympathetically as he ran a hand through Eliot’s hair. “Are you…you know…back back? Was that cloud…him?” 

“It’s all me in here now,” Eliot managed to say. “He’s completely gone.” 

Quentin breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned over and pressed his forehead to Eliot’s temple. “Do you need a hospital? How bad is it?” 

“No. I just need to sleep it off,” Eliot told him. He knew exactly what the edge felt like that would require medical help and while he was teetering on it, he wasn’t quite there. 

“Okay. Let’s get you up to bed then,” Quentin said gently, motioning for Julia to help him and between the two of them they got him on his feet. When they realized how little help he actually was, they changed their minds on the stairs and just got him to the couch and Quentin grabbed a blanket to cover him up. Try to get him to sweat out the drugs. He sat down and maneuvered them so that Eliot’s head was in his lap and one hand ran through the dark curly locks while the other kept a grip on his wrist to monitor his pulse as Eliot lost his hold on consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

When Penny stopped by about ten hours later to check in on Julia, they updated him on what happened and asked him to go to Fillory to find Margo. She should be here and she hadn’t responded to the messenger bunny they’d sent, so there was no telling if she even got it. There was no telling what kind of craziness was going on in Fillory. They all knew that if she had gotten the message she would be here. No matter what else was going on though. Penny came back about ten minutes later with Margo who rushed over and fell to her knees next to the couch, reaching for Eliot’s other wrist that Q didn’t have a hold of to check his pulse. “It’s true? It’s really him? The monster is gone?” Margo asked Q desperately as Julia moved to the other couch to give Margo the space closer to Eliot.

“It’s really him,” Q told her, tears shining in his own eyes. “The monster did his best to overdose him before he went down though.”

“You’re sure he doesn’t need a hospital? Stomach pump or whatever?” Margo asked. 

“He said he didn’t. That he just needed to sleep it off. I’m keeping an eye on his pulse though,” Quentin assured her. 

Margo nodded, brushing her hand over Eliot’s cheek. “He would know better than most on that subject.” 

“Yeah, he would,” Q choked out around the lump in his throat. 

“You look like hell. You should get some rest. I can keep an eye on him now,” Margo offered Quentin. 

“No, I’m fine,” he shook his head. Julia had taken a nap and had only been back for a couple hours now, but Quentin refused to leave Eliot for even a second. 

“Did I miss something?” Margo asked, now that all the big stuff was out of the way. She had noticed the rather protective and almost intimate way that Quentin was taking care of Eliot, and she was a little confused. 

“Turns out they were married on the key quest before they were sent back to this timeline,” Julia chimed in. 

Margo furrowed her brow and looked up at Q who nodded as she tried to put the pieces together. “And when you came back he pushed you away, but something happened with all this to change that?” she guessed as she got up and sat at Eliot’s other end, putting his feet in her lap. 

“Something like that,” Quentin shrugged. 

Margo reached over and put her hand over Quentin’s that was still checking Eliot’s pulse and resting on the passed out man’s stomach. “You know why he did that right?” 

Quentin snorted derisively. “Yeah. I do. I was married to him for more than fifty years. I know how his mind works. As soon as I knew that he didn’t mean it, I knew why…”

When he trailed off, Margo asked gently, “Why?” She wanted to make sure he really understood, though the fact that they’d been together for so long meant he probably knew Eliot better than she did. She wanted them to be okay though. She’d known how long Eliot had loved Quentin. And it was long before that stupid quest. 

“Because in that world, everything was peaceful. Quiet. I mean, yeah, there were plenty of parties and fun, but mostly we were focused on the mosaic. There weren’t any disasters or crises, or anything fucking up our perfectly ordered life. Though the day we found out our wife was pregnant there was quite a bit of panic,” Quentin chuckled. 

“You two had a wife too?” Julia asked curiously. She knew that in Fillory there was nothing wrong with taking two spouses, but it still surprised her. 

“Yeah. She was the daughter of a farmer. Arielle Coldwater-Waugh. She wasn’t with us long though. Our son was only five when she died.”

“You had a son too?” Margo asked in surprise. 

“Yeah. Theodore Rupert Coldwater-Waugh. We called him Ted, or Teddy though,” Quentin said with a wistful look on his face. “Eliot and I raised him alone after his mother died. We never took another wife. It was just the three of us after that. Then just the two of us as he grew up and had a family of his own.”

“It sounds like a nice life,” Margo said sadly, knowing that would have made it so much harder for Eliot to end up back in this one. 

“It was. A beautiful life. We grew old together…and then Eliot died. In our bed. It was probably a heart attack or a stroke or something. He was seventy-six and hadn’t exactly lived a healthy life,” Q chuckled ironically before getting back to the story. “I just woke up, and he was just gone. After fifty one years together. I fell apart after that. Teddy had to come and stay with me for a few months because I wouldn’t even get out of bed without prompting. I didn’t get to come back until I finished the mosaic though a couple years later.”

“But you both remembered it,” Margo asked, trying to get back to the original subject. 

“Yeah. We did. But back here...where everything is so complicated and there’s a new disaster every five minutes and we have to fight so hard just to keep the world from falling apart…he was afraid that we wouldn’t be able to last here. That I would go back to my old life and forget about him in all the mess, so he wanted to end it on his terms. Before it broke him any worse.”

“That does sound like Eliot,” Margo smiled, glad that Q got it. That he understood. “I’m surprised you didn’t figure that out from the start though.”

Quentin sighed. “I think part of me did know, but being back in this life, all my old insecurities flared up again, and when he said that he was only with me because there weren’t any other options, but now there were…” he trailed off, closing his eyes against the wash of pain that came at the thought of those words even now. 

“Ouch,” Julia said with a wince. 

“That’s not what I meant, Q,” Eliot mumbled as he struggled awake. 

“But that’s what you said,” he pointed out softly, brushing his knuckles down Eliot’s cheek before returning to his hair, letting him know that he wasn’t mad. 

“No, what I said was that ‘we’ had a choice now. What I meant was that ‘you’ had a choice. I couldn’t stand the idea of you being with me here just because we were there. Of you trying to tie yourself to me out of loyalty and everything blowing up in our faces when you weren’t happy.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Quentin sniffled. “/You/ make me happy Eliot. Always have. From the moment we first met, you gave me so much joy in my life that even the bad stuff wasn’t so bad.” 

“That was just because you found your place in the world…”

“No, El,” Quentin rolled his eyes. “God, how can you not see it? Before I met you I was in and out of hospitals most of my life. Yeah, finding magic helped, but all the bullshit that came with it…it would have sent me right back over the edge before long if I didn’t have you to hold on to.” 

“I’m sorry, Q,” Eliot turned the hand on his stomach to grab Quentin’s. Margo had pulled back to let them have their moment. “I was afraid. Terrified even. And I thought…well…one perfect lifetime of happiness was all I could ever have. And that it was more than I deserved in the first place. I didn’t want to make things worse by being greedy.”

“I wish I had fought for you then,” Quentin sighed sadly. “I should have. I…”

“You don’t have to apologize to me for anything,” Eliot tried to shake his head, wincing at the pounding headache, prompting Margo to get up and head to the kitchen to get something to help. 

“Just let me talk, would you?” Q said impatiently. 

“Sorry. Go ahead,” Eliot chuckled amusedly, remembering how many times they’d had that particular exchange in both timelines. 

“I should have fought for you. I was just…so off kilter being back like this and there was so much going on. You died, Eliot…”

“I remember,” Eliot muttered. 

“You died in my arms and I spent two years without you. I almost died with you if it hadn’t been for Teddy. Then suddenly I’m back and young again and you were right there…I couldn’t even breathe. Then when you said you didn’t want me, a little piece of me died all over again. But I loved you, El. Enough to let you go. Enough to want you to have everything you wanted. Even if it wasn’t me.” 

“Do you…still love me, then?” Eliot asked hopefully. He desperately hoped that he hadn’t blown it for good. 

“I will always love you, Eliot. A love like ours doesn’t just end, no matter how much of a mess life is around us,” Quentin said earnestly. 

“I love you too, Q. Always,” Eliot said, feeling his eyes fill up with tears as he propped himself up enough to kiss his love and Quentin just sank into it. 

When Eliot pulled out of the kiss a moment later with a groan of pain, Margo reappeared and handed him a tall cocktail glass. “Now it’s a bit light on the alcohol, just this once given everything else your body has been through, but there should still be enough to give you a bit of relief.” 

“Bless you, Bambi,” Eliot said pulling her into a hug even as he was still leaning on Quentin, making them look a bit like fallen over dominoes and he downed half the drink in one guzzle before he started sipping it as his headache receded. “So what all did I miss?” It took a few hours to update him on the last few months, and before long all three of them fell asleep, just like that, in a pile on the couch. Quentin because he hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours and hadn’t slept /well/ in months. Margo hadn’t been sleeping much better, and Eliot was still recovering. Julia rolled her eyes and covered them up before she and Penny slipped up the stairs to let them rest. Everything would be okay now. They hoped.


End file.
